I used to be a power woman, they called me Queen B, which suited me then… something that now makes me cringe when I think of it. I thought that I was a strong, powerful and confident woman striving for her place in a mans world. I thought I was empowered. Yes, I was strong – not showing any emotions and being a tough cookie just like the boys. Yes, I was powerful – head of my game and managing lots of people (or bossing them around, as I see it now). Yes, I was confident – not afraid of anyone and regarding meetings as my battle field, a competitive opportunity for me smash my opponents verbally, out wit them and beat them at their own game.
BUT it was all fake… it wasn’t the real authentic me, it was the character I’d become, the one I thought I needed to be in order to prove to the whole world that I was not a loser! Then I met my husband, Toby, and everything changed…
Toby helped me to discover what being a woman was really about. Just by being present and strong in his own masculinity gave me the permission to fully step into my femininity. For the first time in my adult life I wore pink! I started to grow my hair and lighten it up to more of it’s natural colour (as it was short and dark plum coloured). I observed Toby’s kindness and generosity and began practicing those qualities myself. This wasn’t an overnight success, it took time and effort on my part but with practice it became easier and then second nature, it felt right, more like the real me. I learnt to be a woman. I softened, found my feminine confidence, started to feel my way through situations, trust my female intuition, honour my feelings, allow things to be and slowly but surely dropped the pushing and forcing things to happen that I was used to. I let go of my masculine ways, the male models that I had copied in order to gain confidence, power and status. I felt more connected and happy. I became me… the authentic feminine being that I embody today and continue to grow into as I mature and develop.
So what about the wolf in sheep’s clothing reference… my message today is one of awareness. I see many well meaning women appealing to other women to step into their feminine power, lots of these courses and programmes have men as their main marketing advisers, hence a skewed and mis-aligned view. FEMININE POWER I feel is a huge contradictory in terms for many and the way that this is portrayed. The Feminine is soft, authentic, quietly confident, aware and open. Power is a masculine term suggesting force, influence, inequality, control and action. Power for me conjures up pushing rather than allowing and contradicts the whole intention behind the well meaning help offered. Being feminine is not about weakness or letting others take control, for me being a feminine woman is about being authentic, showing up as a woman, knowing my own strengths and boundaries and being okay with that.
I know that we are all different and the same thing can be offered in many different ways but just note when being called to step into your feminine power ask yourself “for who’s benefit? Is this your true feminine self or is this for your ego and it’s masculine ways?”
As always with much love and light,
*If anyone is interested in awakening their feminine confidence I am hosting a women’s retreat in Glastonbury, 17 – 21 July 2017, all inc £797 http://themidlifementor.co.uk/product/ibiza-mid-life-happiness-group-retreat/